Hi turkeys,

welcome to the second installment, and let me explain the photo. The top one is a close-up pic of some guy’s inner ear i found on the internet. That sounded weird. Well, it’s an up close view of a medical condition known as Surfer’s Ear, or exostosis. It’s from wind and cold, and basically your ear canal tries to fuse itself closed to protect the ear drum from the elements. I have it, bad. Had it for a long time. Whenever i go to the doctor and they stick that weird pointed light in my ear they always have the same reaction: “Whooaaaa! (two second pause). Do you surf?”

Yep. And the way they fix it is to drill it out. Literally. The growths are rock hard calcium, and it’s not supposed to be that much fun (that’s what the second picture is of, the same guy’s ear canal after getting drilled out). Supposedly there’s something like a 20% chance they’ll bust your ear drum when they do it. More fun. My ears are 95% closed, but they’ve been that way for about ten years. I’ve worn ear plugs every single time i’ve surfed in that time.

But, enough whinging, because the whole purpose of this little blog is to tell you about the plus side to Surfer’s Ear. I was told by a doctor that even at 95% closure your hearing isn’t effected. But occasionally pretending that you’re a geriatric and can’t hear can be a great card to play, so i’ve mostly kept this little fact a secret. Say the wife gets mad because she told you to take the trash out and you forgot. “Sorry, Surfer’s Ear, I didn’t hear you.” Or you burn someone. “Sorry, didn’t hear you hoot—surfer’s ear.” Or someone asks you a dumb question. “Surfer’s Ear!!!!!!” Thank you Surfer’s Ear, I may never drill you out!